Hello, my name is Micah, and I’m a sinner.
When I say that I’m a sinner, what I mean is that I’ve been fighting with God all my life. I choose my twisted version of the world over the truth and beauty of the Creator. I prefer empty idols to the whole grain bread of life that Jesus offers. I want to be in control, rather than accepting that I am powerless to overcome life’s challenges without God’s help.
Like a lot of people, I became a Christian because I had reached the end of my rope. I’d hit rock bottom, and there was nowhere left for me to go but back to God, or to a place of deep darkness, despair, and death.
In the years since I acknowledged God and invited his presence back into my life, things have changed for the better. I’m more whole and healthy than I have ever been.
It would be easy for me to get complacent at this point. It would be easy for me to think that I’ve been cured of my tendency to rebel against the truth, to put myself first rather than loving others as Christ first loved me. But the reality is, I’m just one moment of weakness away from being back where I started.
In my walk of recovery, God has gradually weakened my desire to sin. I’ve learned that I can trust the Spirit, that I don’t have to give into fear, despair, or selfish pride. Nevertheless, I know that the seeds of alienation remain within me. They lie in wait for moments of fatigue, life setbacks, and spiritual dryness. All I have to do is yield to the darkness, and these seeds will bloom their hideous flowers in me once again.
It’s so important that I stay awake to the truth. I must stay conscious of the fact that I am nothing more or less than a (relatively new) member of Sinners Anonymous. I am not better than anyone. I haven’t achieved anything. I’m just one man on a daily walk of recovery with Jesus. By the grace of God, I am being saved day by day as part of the body of Christ.
There is no essential difference between me and my neighbor who has not made a decision to follow Jesus. We both struggle with darkness, despair, and misdirected priorities. We both know beauty, and also carry within us the seeds of evil. We both are capable of terrible thoughts and deeds, but also loving-kindness. We share a common condition as human beings in a fallen world.
But when I choose to follow Jesus, I find the evil in me weakened and the good raised up. I am able to confess that, solely by God’s power and grace, I am on the path of recovery from addiction, narcissism, alienation, and death.
Are you ready to take the first step – whether for the first time or the thousandth? Will you admit that you are powerless over your addiction, alienation, sin – that your life has become unmanageable? Are you prepared to open your life to a power greater than yourself that can lead you in recovery? Have you heard the voice of Jesus, who can speak to your condition and make you whole?